Two: at moments I see Homer, not Marge, reflected in my soul

My children don't nap. They are three 1/2 and five. I want them in bed by seven, so I don't have them nap.

But, they do need some rest in the afternoons sometimes. I have had them rest and read books in their rooms. It lasts for a full half hour, sometimes longer. But, when I do this, my ears are on alert. I constantly wonder who might be secretly ripping apart books, coloring their body, emptying dish soap on the rug. The list is endless, although, for the record, only one of the list above has happened during "rest." And, to be completely honest, rest time is mostly for me.

My brilliant parenting solution: PBS. My children watch television while I rest on the couch. I can fall asleep before Caillou finished his first refrain.

The rules of the resty time show: certain children must rest during a program, or they go to time out. Yes, I threaten my children with time-out if they do not SIT and watch the television.

See? No awards.